I grew up watching Formula 1 and listening to loud metal music from a huge stereo in our living room. I obviously didn’t like the loud metal music as a kid, and also eventually got bored of F1 (“20 cars drive in a circle and then Schumacher wins”).
Now, at 37, those two seem to be my only real remaining connection to my dad. 21 years ago, when I was 16, I built a social network for blogging for me and my friends. I wrote the first post about the week that led up to shipping it, another post explaining what the website was, and just a few days later, the third post I wrote was titled “My Dad is Dead!?”
Reading that blog post now helps me understand my younger self, and is what motivated me to post notes this summer. I wrote so much about practical things and logistics and definitely recognize using problem solving to avoid dealing with emotions. It’s good to see how I have and haven’t changed.
I grew up in the same house for so long, but now there is very little that I remember about him. There are few photos and recordings. I watched one recently, for the first time in more than 20 years, and I was shaken: I’d forgotten what his voice sounded like.
On September 13th 2026 I became older than my dad.
